Non Violent communication - Giving from the hearth

Non Violent communication - Giving from the hearth

Non Violent communication - both speaking and listening - leads us from the hearth and connects each other with natural compassion. Some words used are violent and lead to conflicts and sorrow for the people around us. NVC (non-violent communication) support us in remaining human during difficult moment in our relationship.

It is essential to develop the ability to observe and specify behaviours and condiction that affect us in the most precise way. Instead of habitual, automatic reactions, we reframe our communication. So, our words are connected to our feelings, needs and wishes in complete honesty, not formulated to blame or accuse others. The formula is simple and transformative at the same time.

The NVC will replace our ineffective and destructive relational patterns with a new structure that will give the people and us around us an inner light. Defending mechanisms and withdrawing as a strategy against criticism and judgment will be transformed into an effective way of communicating. When we focus on what we see, feel, need and want, confusion will disappear.

Some define, in a simple manner, the most important element of non-violent communication. We can use the following model:

- Observing: we observe what is happening in the situation without judging. We observe and describe what causes us any feelings.
- Feeling: the second part is how we feel as a consequence of our observation.
-Needing: we have to state what we need to be connected to the feeling that we experienced.
- Wanting: you need to ask what you want specifically and clearly and, possibly, in the most gentle way.

These are the four basic ingredients necessary to apply NVC in our relationship. Despite these four elements, it is important to understand that NVC is something that must be adapted to various circumstances in various contests.

Doctors, teachers, students, politicians, but also mothers, fathers and children, or wives and husbands can apply NVC in their specific contest to develop a great relationship. In fact, verbal communication is only one part of human relationships. Humour, gestures, stories and more contribute to the natural flow of the connection between two parties.

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